FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

it has been WAY too long. hello blog. well its not too bad i dont really have any follower, none actually. well where to start hmm where did i leave off? *checks blog... holy shit! july 7th 2011!! well seems to me that i had just graduated high school. and i stated that i was in need of an id and bank account. i am happy to say that i have both now and i just recently as in not too long ago got an ID. now to pick up where i left off. hmm well im 18 now have been for quite some time. its not all that its cracked up to be. i am attending College. a CC by choice. i was actually accepted to 3 good schools. CSULB CSUCI CSUDH. um so i didnt join CC right off the bat i joined in the spring. also i still have no idea as to what i want to do. i have also developed a completely awful sleeping schedule. i basically stay up all night and sleep during most of the day. i have class 2 times a week in the morning. and other than that i have no responsibility

    ... i have also been experiencing sadness as usual now due to the past i miss high school i miss having something to do all day. i miss all the people and teachers and i especially miss making music everyday. i am also in dire need of losing one hundred plus pounds. i want to feel young i want to not feel like a piece of garbage. i still have not found meaning in my life. im... sad

       Positives!! i hang out regularly with my friends john jose davish and omar oh and julio and emilio. a few other drop by as well. i caught up with all the animated episodes of naruto shippuden. absolutely love misfits Uk and grey anatomy!! i have a rather positive outlook on my life and im easy going i say meh allot..

i will write at least weekly i promise .. farewell     
.

well it is official i have lost the feeling of what day it is. i no longer feel the monday blues which is good but in retrospect is also a bad thing for i am no longer excited for the weekend. my everyday life now consists of just lumbering around the house. just yesterday i felt a bit depressed because i had realized that i had nothing to wake up for in the morning. my sister advised me to get a job. she said that getting a job has two upsides for me the first was to give my life some purpose and two that i would have spending money. the idea of a job sounded appealing to me that it made me think. and within all that thinking i did i realized that i am getting older and that i am in need of certain things to function in society. i have a check list that consists of two things each with their own little sub-section.

first i needed an ID card. in order to obtain that i have to correct something in my birth certificate because the department of motor vehicles said that my birth certificate did not match up with my social security number. and it in fact did not mach because my birth certificate contains two last names and my social security number only had one of them.
and two i need to open a bank account so i have a place to deposit my grant money for college. unfortunately in order to obtain a bank account i need an ID.

and that is my current predicament. its not bad but it requires time that i have too much of but it also requires me to have a vehicle of which i do not have because i do not have a drivers license because my parents are very inconsiderate of me and believe i am still a child of whom is still too young to have those things necessary to function in this forsaken everyday living we call society, but i regress. i need to convince my sister to be my chauffeur for a few days.

on a different note. it is july seventh and not that i am counting but in one month and eleven days i will turn eighteen on August eighteen. on that day i will be considered an adult by law meaning if i goof up i will go to prison and risk loosing my ass virginity. i am however, a law abiding citizen so i have nothing to worry about. i do not think i will feel physically different. the only major difference i will see will be that i will have an easy time purchasing knives and will be able to buy my first firearm.

well this concludes todays post. adieu

so it has been a week since i graduated from high school. graduation was sub par. this week was not really interesting i have been "bumming" it around the house. on my computer all day none the less. just recently i started to go out in fear getting a mild form of depression. im not in a typing mood so i will cut it short.

a message to my non existent audience. please comment i want to know what you think of my blog (posts).

graduation...

i am about to graduate high school. a milestone i suppose. as of right now i do not feel totally excited, what i really feel is an assortment of emotion. one minute i could feel happy. then later not so much. then sometimes i get excited or sad.

an interesting thing  occurred in english class last week. for our final our teacher made us write a letter to ourselves. she told us that she will mail them to us in five years. this notion was interesting also the emotion it triggered was even more so. i felt like crying. do not ask why because i never know why i feel like crying.

um going back a week or two, to senior project boards. i did great and i am not just saying that. i got best of boards meaning i was decided number one by the judges. so when i was done presenting i felt glorious and free ! when people asked me how did i do on my presentation i would tell them that i raped the shit out of it then i fisted it back in. thats how great i felt.

oh! this relates to me crying. i broke my ring finger last year and the condyle split and a piece of bone was displaced. i got surgery to mend my finger. so during the surgery i woke up in the middle of it (or what i assumed was the middle of it )  and i woke up crying. i had no explanation as to why i was crying during surgery. my mother had told me i had a bad reaction to the anesthesia. i felt kind of embarrassed though because one of the nurses was a  cute asian girl and she gave me a flower.

well you might be wondering how was it that i broke me finger. well i broke it at a park. i was trying yo catch my friends dog that got loose. he ran right past me and i managed to catch the leash unfortunately for me it caught my finger the wrong way and bend it in a 90 degree angle to the right. i knew that i had broken something because my finger was hunchback and über  swollen.

To Be Continued..... ..

as promised here they are my haikus written in a time of pain and sadness, have them.




time to say goodbye
feelings felt i could not lie

jacky lopez, hi

sun casts glare on eyes

silhouette seen with surprise

a new beauty found

setting sun shines bright

a reflection on the wall

it is a trombone

melancholy town

located internally

is there happiness?

rise in the morning

glair again not as intense

a nice face i see

many things common

a spectrum of differences

eyes not trust worthy

she could not make it

the feeling of solitude

bide my time i shall

to do or not to

the nerves gang up on you now

i leave the dance floor

i hold in my tears

more held feelings for the jar

i am very sad

why, is all i ask

problems of who’s distortion

love, warm? cold is all

sadness recurrent

glimpse of light!? ha, illusion

no light in the end

wonder pondering

these haikus written in vain?

with pain, none the less

hope never falters

this, an excepted challenge

heartshipful journey

anger flows freely

contained but at a high price

kept in for your sake

torn from the inside

confusion sets in deeply

damn four letter word

lovely complexion

a smile to match virtue 

a mind? i wonder

in my ground zero

here i sit and reminisce

forever wonder

i smile out of pain

the sadness reaps through my core

and yet i smile

out of desertion

wonder i, now full of hope

its all up to her

i still hide the pain

in secrecy i repose

on, a fake smile

the validity

thinking if its real or not

who cares im here now

update

i have not done a new blog post in awhile because i have been working on a long string of haikus all relating to sadness and a girl she shall be kept anonymous because frankly it is my business  but anyway i will put up all the haikus i have written when i feel satisfied with the amount of them and all feelings have been vented um i shal put one up just for content purposes


sun casts glare on eyes
siloette seen with surprise
a new beauty found

that is one of the more (or should i say less sad ones) "nice" ones

-adiue

would the world benefit if we all grew a pair, had the guts, were not spineless. i am a very candid person and i take pride in that. to many people my age procrastinate and lollygag dick around when it comes to performing a menial task that they find "kinda"  embarrassing, or an even better example is asking some one out on a date or to prom anywhere really. well an excuse could be that they are shy or nervous or whatever, they are all excuses. when ever some one tells me those excuses to protect their sorry ass from perhaps humiliation or rejection all i tell them is to grow a pair. pair of what you say, balls, nuts, plums, rocks, bollocks, nads, gonads, sack (collective), nuggets, Cracker Jacks, stones, kerbangers, marbles, tenders, cullions, bells, pelotas, nutsack, bollocks, family jewels, gems, cojones, junk, package, manjigglies, Man tonsils, Knackers, Cods, love spuds, hanging brain, ornaments, two veg. i think i went a bit overboard but hey i made my point. i regress. will the world be a better place if everybody grew a pair? i think it is good to grow a pair for certain situation but for other it might make things violent, use balls with caution. hmm kind of a pointless post i think.  well if you want to give me your two cents on the subject just send me an e-mail